Forget Goals - Live With Uncertainty
I have never been able to plan my life.
Instead of planning, I like using my intuition to move forward, iterating as I go along. This puts me firmly in the camp of uncertainty, as I do not know how the day, let alone the month or year, are going to turn out.
Why do we have to set goals, milestones, steps, and systems? Why do we have this compulsion to predict and control our future - something that's impossible anyway?
Why don't we live like nature intended, growing our life organically in response to each event that haphazardly comes into our path?
Why can't we just live and thrive with uncertainty?
We can. And when we do, we eliminate all the anxiety, frustration and disappointment that comes with trying to control our life.
Here are a few pointers for those of you willing to throw in the towel when it comes to control.
Living with uncertainty means being present
When you have a goal in the forefront of your mind, you're focused on the future. You're always thinking about the outcome of your efforts, not the process. You may be so motivated by your goal that, while this spurs you to work hard, you can find yourself wasting time working on the wrong aspects as you think about what you want to achieve.
You can't do this when you're living with uncertainty. There is no future to focus on. You only have the present - and that's where you need to be in your mind.
When I'm present I'm more connected with my true self. If I'm thinking of outcomes, by necessity I need to keep a distance from the self that's here and now. That's why being present is the way to uncover your authentic nature - what you really want to do (in the next moment) and how you feel about it (right now). And as you move forward in this state of mind, you gradually build something that reflects your real desires, talents and strengths. You have no idea what it will be, but you accept this lack of knowing because you 'know' something good will come out of it.
When we focus on the present to the exclusion of the past and future, of our goals and plans, we release the toxic mindsets that cause inner pain such as worry and anxious hope. This release brings us back into sync with our natural way of being, giving us inner calm and confidence instead of a need for control. Eckhart Tolle says it thus:
"Imagine the Earth devoid of human life, inhabited only by plants and animals. Would it still have a past and a future? Could we still speak of time in any meaningful way? The question “What time is it?” or “What’s the date today?” — if anybody were there to ask it — would be quite meaningless. The oak tree or the eagle would be bemused by such a question. “What time?” they would ask. “Well, of course, it’s now. The time is now. What else is there?”" (Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now)
Living with uncertainty means being open to multiple possibilities for your life
Living with uncertainty gives us the chance to accept that there is no one, correct path for us. Instead, we have the opportunity to feel our way forward moment by moment, letting our destiny unfold over time as we learn to navigate our life with flexibility and openness.
"Something else that can add to the suffering of uncertainty, particularly when it comes to our big heartwood questions, is the illusion that there’s one right answer or one right path, and unless we figure it out, we’ll remain lost and in pain." (Elizabeth Weingarten, How to Fall in Love With Questions)
The compulsion to figure out our life's path as advised by most gurus is the source of our sense that we are 'not enough'. If we don't find our purpose early on, we can wander from career to career thinking that there's something wrong with us, or worse, that we have no use in the world. I gave up a promising international banking career to become a solopreneur to become a corporate trainer - all to no avail. I never found out what I was put of this earth to do. It left me feeling hopeless and disappointed in myself for decades.
The truth is, the search for a single purpose that gave me so much pain was just an idea in my head - and that of everyone else.
There is no such concrete thing as a life's purpose. It's just a mental construct that we use to make ourselves feel good (if we believe we have found it) or feel bad (if we haven't).
Once we eliminate this idea, we are once again free to live with uncertainty and allow our life to reveal itself to us as we focus on the process - the work we are doing here and now.
So why not hold a different idea in your head? "I like the possibilities for growth that uncertainty affords me. Not knowing my path gives me the freedom to explore ways of thinking, acting and achieving that I might otherwise never have discovered."
With this idea we can get excited about the possibilities for our life. We become explorers and experimenters, adapting our career focus to the inevitable events that impact our progress. At 40 we may not have the slightest interest in what motivated us at 20. Or what we were doing at 20 may not even be relevant in the environment two decades later. Instead of experiencing the disappointment of not having our well-laid plans work out, we change our focus and our behaviour to fit with our new circumstances or psychology.
This is why living with uncertainty is the most practical approach to our work and our life in today's market for skills and interests. It's time we said goodbye to the old dictum that says that in order to be successful we must set "big, hairy goals"and plan, plan, plan. Release the chains and sail on the wind.
Living with uncertainty means living with experiments
Anne-Laure Le Cunff offers us a better way in her book Tiny Experiments. Instead of an outcome‑based definition of success (ticking off big goals), you shift to a process‑based one where “progress is driven by incremental experimentation” and “success transforms from a fixed target to an unfolding path”.
When you change from goals and planning to uncertainty, you have the opportunity to design your path forward however you like. Key to this idea is that you can start small, designing mini projects that take a few hours or a day, and then reviewing your progress and iterating before too much time and effort are expended. You feel your way forward, knowing that the world doesn't always work the way you expect it to. And that's OK if you don't have a fixed outcome that controls your decisions and actions.
I spend a lot of energy telling myself to relax and allow the day to unfold however it will. It's difficult because I want to control what happens in an effort to ease my anxiety. But it's this need for control that is the cause of my anxiety. When I accept this and I do manage to relax into the unknown, I find that my pre-planning would have had to go out the window anyway. Things happen - an incoming text, a forgotten responsibility - that put paid to any carefully laid out plans. At the same time, my new mindset that allows anything to come into my day as it will, enables me to stay calm and accepting as I let go of the need to control.
Living with uncertainty is a reality check. It enables us to lean into the natural way the world works, which in the long run is the way things actually get done. Success will never come to you if you bank on rushing towards a far-distant stretch goal. Rather, try being present, flexible and relaxed, as you experiment your way forward into a future that is more authentic and successful for you.
